Ringside Rumors - 01/31/09!

DISCLAIMER: The following rumors and parodies are meant for Entertainment Purposes only. Wrestling rumors are taken from sites such as Unique-Divas.com, Wrestlezone.com, Rajah.Com and other credible sources. Credit for actual wrestling news will be given to the fine journalists that report them. We are just here to add a comedic twist to them. The skits on this site DO NOT REFLECT the actual wrestlers' opinions. They are over exaggerations to the characters they play on TV. It is not meant to hurt, harm, or defame anyone's character and is only meant for laughs. In other words, IT'S A JOKE!! Relax!

The Creators of WWE Unleashed Present:

RINGSIDE RUMORS

1/31/09

Whoa! How long has it been? I haven't seen you guys since last year! Well hopefully you've been well. Judging by the counter, you've been checkin in. Our bad for not comin' back sooner, but now we're back! But with something a little different this week. Rather than go through a month of rumors, we're going to look at the things we liked, didn't like, and are coming around to for the month of January! Then we'll be back to our regular format with more frequent updates! So here we go!

HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS WE ENJOYED:

RHUANDEEEEE OHRRRTOHNNNNN!

For RAW, 2009 started off with a bang! Or should I say a kick to the head. Randy Orton was involved in several RAW storylines including the forming of Legacy, Who sleeping with Kelly Kelly (On camera), his social disorder (I.E.D.) and his quest to win to the Royal Rumble. On that Rumble quest, he managed to finally form a group, shut down Kelly Kelly, further downgrade the stock of Kane, and KICK VINCE MCMAHON IN THE HEAD. The kick was a big deal folks! There was a lot of momentum in that Orton foot and that momentum lead him to winning the 2009 Royal Rumble (Suck it, Triple H!) You couldn't talk about WWE without mentioning Randy Orton! Orton's now the top heel on RAW (Sorry Jericho) and occasionally the top face, depending on what city they're in. He's kinda like Cena minus the intense fan hatred and little girl lust. Wait...he's not like Cena at all...I'm sorry.

Anyway, Randy Orton's Road To Wrestlemania is looking like it's going to be an interesting one, and despite how slow he talks and how many heads he locks, we at Ringside Rumors are looking forward to the next steps involving Randy Orton!

THE ERA OF THE MATTI-TURN

H'OHHHH MAH GAWWWWWWWD!?! DID I JUST SEE WHAT I THINK I SAW?! In an interesting twist of fate (Oh no I didn't!) Matt Hardy turned on his brother Jeff Hardy and costs him the WWE Championship against his long time rival Edge! Now, I know what a lot of you are saying. "I saw it coming." "I knew it was gonna happen." "I was on the internet and they said Matt was turning heel." I've heard it all. But spoiler or not, it was definitely a cool moment to see. What makes this so interesting? Well...

1. Both Hardyz have a chance to further cement themselves in main event status and steal the show at the much anticipated Wrestlemania 25.

2. Both Hardyz have a chance to further their singles careers and characters and give us a great family feud that is more legendary than the Alexis Laree (Mickie James) vs. Valentina Laree (Lizzy Valentine) feud from years ago.

3. Where the hell was Christian?

Spoilers aside, everyone thought Christian was going to make some type of iMPACT (Ha! I'm on fire with these!) at the Royal Rumble. Turns out, he didn't! He wasn't there at all! But we, at Ringside Rumors caught up with Mr. Cage and asked him what the deal was with him and his WWE Contract.

EXCLUSIVE:

Christian: ::Eating at a McDonalds:: I dunno...hey, you want your fries?

You can have 'em Christian. Anyway, Matt and Jeff are obviously not sharing a car on their Road To Wrestlemania. There are lots of interesting turns this storyline can take! Maybe some special cameos to add further fuel to this Hardy fire? Lita, I'm lookin' in your direction!

EXCLUSIVE:

Lita: What?? No! Now are you gonna buy an album or not?!

Well, no one seems to want to talk, but The Hardyz has got Ringside Rumors excited! Now bring back the MFer Shannon Moore and all will be complete!

THANK YOU VICTORIA

Now, I'm not sayin' that anyone on the staff enjoyed Victoria's retirement, or the way she was sent out. But, we DID enjoy the amount of respect poured out from the community towards Victoria. And since, Ringside Rumors didn't get to do it, we're gonna do it now!

Victoria,

Thank You for all of the memories in the past 9 years (I'm includin the ho stuff!) Whether you were making us laugh in a banana suit, or cracking Trish Stratus upside the head with a chair, or just giving your all in the ring winning championships or putting over the not as talented divas on the roster, you were awesome at everything you did and truly were not the lady to mess with! Thank you and we hope this isn't the last we see of ya!

Ringside Rumors
P.S.: PLEASE don't come back as Suicide...

And now the rest:

Our new President!

The Wrestler

Ring Of Honor's NEW TV deal!!

The Miz and John Morrison

Jack Swagger

New Episodes Of Scrubs!!!

Lady Gaga

Crack A Bottle by Eminem feat. Dr. Dre & that guy who's named after change.

Kelly Kelly

Lack of Batista on WWE RAW (Oh yeah, get better.)

The Motorcity Machine Guns

Powerpuff Girl Marathons (Gotta love those lil' amputees)

Unfortunately…

HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS WE DID NOT ENJOY THIS MONTH:

CROSSING THE LINE

To explain this better, I would like to announce the return of: Stop Fuckin' Up.

Dear TNA Wrestling,

...Guys! ...GUYS! WHAT HAPPENED?? It may look like I'm pessimistic and cynical towards TNA Wrestling but contrary to popular belief, I enjoy your product. The PPVs I've been too, were very enjoyable. You have tons of talent at your disposal, and this Main Event Mafia storyline had promise. And this is comin' from someone who does NOT like Scott Steiner, Kurt Angle, Booker T OR Kevin Nash. The storyline was still good and I was comin' around. The Front Line looked promising with all of the YOUNG TNA GUYS (And Rhino) and I actually looked forward to watching TNA iMPACT on a weekly basis. Of course I had to watch The Office and 30 Rock first, then watch iMPACT on DV-R, but the love was still there! The beatdown and send-off of Christian Cage, was awesome. I was behind the Christy Hemme push. I love Beer Money. I love LAX. I love the Knockouts. I love love love my Beautiful People (86 Kip James.)I'm a fan of yours TNA. I really am....

BUT THEN...

Ya go and add Rhino and Team 3D to the Front Line, rather than focus on the TNA guys who deserve main event pushes. I'm sorry Rhino and Dudley fans, but this ISN'T the 90s/Early 2000s, and these guys should NOT be main eventing when there are MORE TALENTED wrestlers on the roster. Where's Christopher Daniels?? Why not have LAX support the Front Line. And I know recently, LAX has been in the corner of the Front Line, but why can't they be in the photo above? Jay Lethal, Eric Young, even Consequences Caribbean Creed have more to prove than Rhino and Team 3D. I know you lost your talker in Christian, but c'mon....REALLY?

In addition to having Rhino and The Dudleyz in your main events, and shoving guys like AJ to the side, you put KIP JAMES in a TNA PPV Main Event! I understand your circumstance, and I sympathize with you. The whole staff sympathizes with you. But, was it THAT hard to turn it into a tag match? Rather than have Kip James there? Really?? The TNA fans would've understood...I guess that's all! And if that's not enough torture, you give us

THIS...

And HIM....

.......Okay. I've seen some shitty characters before. Duke The Dumpster Drosse, Rock-a-Billy, Max Moon, that 70's Guy, Palmer Cannon, The Spirit Squad, that yellow Spiderman from WCW, Glacier, Cowboy Amy Zidan, The Boogeyman, The Shockmaster, Ricky Ortiz, Hornswoggle (Yeah I said it)and more....but Suicide has to be the cream of the crop. This character is the STUPIDEST character I've EVER SEEN. First of all, he comes from a videogame. Not just any videogame. It's not like they were inspired by Vega from Street Fighter, or we have a plumming tag team, it's taken from their OWN videogame in a terrible attempt to boost more sales for their already crappy TNA iMPACT: The videogame. I mean LOOK AT HIM! Scroll up and take a good look at how this clown looks. I shouldn't call him a clown. That's mean to Doink. But this...THING looks like a Mall Spiderman or a Badly Cosplayed Spawn. He looks like he can fit the role for Bad Guy #12 in Super Double Dragon for the SNES. He doesn't look threatening. He doesn't look entertaining. He. Looks. FOOLISH.

I have nothing against the people who play Suicide. I love Christopher Daniels and I think Kaz is awesome. But this gimmick is obviously cursed. During the buildup, Kaz got injured so they put a halt to Suicide. Kaz comes back, gets injured AGAIN. No more Suicide. And rather than taking the SIGNS FROM GOD THAT THIS GIMMICK IS NOT SUPPOSED TO WORK, you put a talented wrestler like Christopher Daniels, who SHOULD BE IN THE FRONT LINE, in this stupid suit. Scroll up and look at the suit again.
Go on. You can. I'll still be here. ....Doesn't it look stupid?! I'm tired of having to look at it on iMPACT. Just get rid of it. iMPACT 2 is coming out. Focus on that. What's next? iMPACT 2 is gonna have Genoicde?? And he's gonna be the twin of Suicide?! And then at Bound For Glory we'll have Homicide vs. Suicide vs. Genocide? C'mon guys...I mean this with greatest of intentions. TNA wrestling, STOP FUCKING UP!!!

Let It Rock,
Rated R-KYO

Moving on...

DEATH TO JEFF??

It seems like every non-traditional WWE champion has to get shafted with some odd storyline to show to remind us that they're holding the title for a short period of time and that the championship will be back with the golden children (Cena, Batista, Triple H, etc.) very soon. Just like CM Punk and Rey Mysterio (Although I didn't feel sorry for him) Jeff Hardy is the next guy to fall in that category.

Jeff's storyline is showing that someone (rumored to be Christian) was trying to "stop him from living his dream." And how do they stop him from living his dream? By TRYING TO KILL HIM every chance they get! First, Jeff was attacked in a stairwell at the Survivor Series. Poor guy. Then, Jeff and his girlfriend Beth (Played by Anne Hathaway) were involved in a hit and run accident. THEN, while coming to the ring for the Cutting Edge segment, his fireworks went off and almost burned his face off James Hetfield style (Oooh...) This all supposedly culminated with Matt Hardy turning on Jeff at the Rumble, BUT! On Friday Night Smackdown, Matt stated that no one could prove that he was the one trying to kill his brother, but you could prove he hit him with a chair. So is Jeff's murderer still out there?? All signs point to...maybe. I mean why would Matt Hardy wanna kill him right? That's not somethin' ya wanna have to deal with every Thanksgiving.

I don't know why WWE went this route, but the majority of the RR staff doeesn't like it! But that doesn't mean we can't have fun with it. Lets exlude Matt Hardy and Christian Cage and look at some suspects that other sites and the WWE have failed to mention...

Ringside Rumors presents:

JEFF HARDY'S MURDER SUSPECTS

SUSPECT #1:

THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA

Now wait just a minute! The Main Event Mafia?? They're in TNA! Why would they be trying to kill Jeff Hardy! It's simple...who created The Main Event Mafia? TNA Wrestling. Who was TNA's first big acquisition? Jeff Hardy. Who failed miserably in TNA Wrestling? Jeff Hardy. Dixie Carter and the people at TNA still have a vendetta against Jeff Hardy! He was supposed to be one of the guys who carried them into the mainstream. He was supposed to have that momentum like he does in the WWE and put TNA on the map. Unfortunately for them, he didn't. He returned to WWE and is now one of their biggest draws and merchandise sellers (I know I've got my glow in the dark Jeff Hardy deoderant! Do you??) It makes perfect sense for MEM to take out Jeff Hardy, not just for TNA, but for Dixie Carter and her bank account. I'm onto you MEM...and all this time I thought it was about respect....

SUSPECT #2:

CARLITO'S FORMER BODYGUARD JESUS AGUILERA:

Kayfabe speaking, this is the guy who stabbed John Cena in a night club for Carlito. Carlito may be a Smackdown tag team champion, but we all know the guy wants to be a main eventer. Look at the main eventers on Smackdown! Triple H, Edge, The Undertaker, Jeff Hardy, etc. This is a slow plan for Carlito to get back into the main event scene for 2009. No one would suspect Jesus! We asked Carlito about his thoughts on Jeff Hardy, and here's what he had to say...

EXCLUSIVE: Carlito: This site is still around? Anyway, Carlito has no problems with Jeff Hardy. Sure, sometimes Carlito had to travel with him, and share hotels with him, which means that Carlito would find purple and yellow hair clogging the shower and sink. And Carlito found that pretty disgusting. But Carlito isn't a man who holds grudges over bad etiquette! Carlito knows all about hair clogging the drain. You see, the trick to dealing with the hair is-

Okay, he's got a good cover up...

SUSPECT #3:

THE BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION (Working as one)

Seriously! How come anytime supernatural or unexplained goes on in the WWE? No one blames these two?? Both have a history of attempted murder. The Undertaker tried to slice Austin's head off during the crash-TV obssessed Attitude Era! And Kane...do I even have to mention? What would they have against Jeff Hardy though? Oh, these two always have a reason to hate someone....or they could be working for McCool. It is her world you know. We just live in it....

SUSPECT #4:

RIKISHI

Already a WWE attempted murderer, once again, he did it for the people. But this time he also did it for John Cena.

SUSPECT #5:

TRISH STRATUS

Trish Stratus?? TRISH STRATUS?! Not Trish! I'll tell ya why Trish is a suspect. Lets take a look at Trish Stratus' WWE relationship history. Ever since 2000, she's had a fixation for the charismatic enigma. Flirting with him and 2000 and 2001. Having a brief alliance with him in 2001 and more importantly in 2003. Trish and Jeff have a history that has inspired dozens of sexually explicit fanfictions across the world! 2003, the two were paired together and shared a few sloppy, paint-filled kisses. Unfortunately, Jeff Hardy got released and Trish never got to really share her love with Jeff Hardy. Instead, she was linked to people like Chris Jericho, Christian and Carlito (She had a C fetish.) and of course Mickie James! Not that these were bad candidates, it's just they weren't the one. So Trish, developing a strong dislike for Jeff Hardy is trying to stop him from living his dream for breaking her heart years ago. Psycho, I know, but guess what? It takes a psycho to know a psycho, so in her expert opinion, here's Mickie James.

EXCLUSIVE:

Mickie: ::On a horse:: That's silly! Trish wouldn't try to kill anyone! She didn't even try to kill me that time I slipped a little something in her drink and tried to take advantage of her. She just snapped out of it, and told me "Mickie, I'm flattered but disappointed." Then she walked out of the room and never spoke about it again. I sent cards, and flowers and everything but she just acted like it never happened. She never noticed my love. ::Eyes watered up:: That bitch never gave me the love I deserved....::Sniffles:: Excuse me! ::Leaves on the horse::

Speaking of Mickie, why isn't she wrestling? There's one more suspect guys!

SUSPECT #6:

SIDESHOW BOB

I mean why not? Who do YOU think did it? Vote now at the Ringside Rumors poll located at the top of the site! We wanna hear from you! Who's tryin' to kill Jeff Hardy?!

And now here's the rest of the list of things we didn't enjoy:

The Brian Kendrick heat (C'mon man!)

Lack Of Mickie James

Matt Morgan (THIS GUY SUCKS)

Vladimir Kozlov

Snow

Horrible weather

Eve Torres' theme music.

Lil' Wayne's Rock songs.

Lack Of Smackdown vs. RAW 2009 DLC for XBox 360 (Fuck you THQ)

But wait, there's a little more! There are a couple of things, that we've come around to in the past month. Meaning, the idea at first was a little blah, but now we're more receptive! So here we go!

JBL: I am SOOOO MAD AT YOU!

At first, this storyline seemed like a one-way-ticket to disaster, but every week, I find myself more and more into it. Damn you Shawn Michaels, you've done it again! ...Oh, you too JBL.

IT'S ON! NO WAIT, IT'S OFF! NO WAIT! IT'S ONNNN!

(Credit to http://www.chris-jericho.com for screen capture)

For some reason, the idea of Mickey Rouke wrestling Chris Jericho excited some of us at RR. But, the more it was thought about, the more it seemed like a bad idea. Then the deal was off and Jericho's feud went bye bye. Nowww it's lookin' like it's back on, but Rouke is going to have someone ELSE do the wrestling and not Randy The Ram. I'm all for Jericho vs. a high caliber opponent in Rouke's corner! Now...who will this person be? Braden Walker, now is your chance....

CRAB PEOPLE TAKE OVER SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S DIVISION

So it finally happened. Michelle McStyles has turned heel. And although I still don't like her very much, I will admit that she has me interested in what crazy thing she's going to do next. She beat the crap out of Maria and Eve. And seems to be fitting in nicely in her heel role. She shouldn't talk as much as she does, but I find her character easier to swallow now that she's playing a bitch. They say the best characters come from real life so hey...

But I think one thing has made me come around on McCool some, is her entertainment value! Not in the ring, but outside the ring! Have you seen some of this girl's blogs? If not! Here's a look!

EXCLUSIVE:

Let me start by saying that YES, I do read all the comments (good, bad & ugly) that you guys send. Just the way all of you have/voice your opinions (which I do respect), I've decided to do the same. I may offend some, make some laugh, make some smile, make some cry, but....this blog is all about you guys. You ask, you demand, you demean and I am going to respond. So, from here on out in this blog, I'm going to continue as "Michelle McCool outside the ropes" & "Michelle McCool inside the ropes!" I think you can determine the difference!

Michelle McCool inside the ropes:

McCool: I've gotten a lot of comments and criticisms on my move set recently. Let me tell you something TheInsideHer @ Mind-Grapes.org, ya think you're better than me?! On your stupid little laptop making your stupid little comments? I don't care you know. And I laugh off your comments! L-O-L. Darkside Diva, you think I stole a guy named AJ Styles' finishing move? I'll have you know the Michelle McCool "Leg Lock Of Love" (Later renamed M.A.D.T.) and the Cool Clash Of Styles (Later renamed Faith Crusher) are original Michelle McCool creations! And is that supposed to be a joke? Darkside? I get it but I don't find it very funny. I laugh off your comment. L-M-A-O. King Jackson? You are whack-son. And StratusOrton? You must be snortin' if you think Michelle McCool is offended by what you say. Two L-O-L's and a ROFL for you. Australian Omlette? You can suck it. Big L, small o, smaller l, big exclamation point! iCarly619, you don't hurt me. No one hurts me! That includes you Mickie's Sex Slave! Slavery was abolished years ago! Remember that folks! I'm off for now! Faith to the fight. Fight for your right. A stitch in time saves 9! Learn some English Maryse! Keep It Faith Star!

Lurve,
Michelle McCool.

P.S.: Right back atcha ChunkyLove53@aol.com!

DID SHE JUST SAY KEEP IT FAITH STAR?! ...Anyway, I guess that's it for this edition of Ringside Rumors! Hope you all enjoyed this month's edition of Ringside Rumors! We are back in full force now and we are on the Road To Wrestlemania (And Destination X!) Expect good stuff from us! We missed you and love ya! Please continue to leave your feedback to let us know if you think we’re doing a good job! A bad job! A so-so job. Or you just wanna tell us how your day was, we’re always here to listen! It’s great to hear from ya!

Remember, not everything on the Internet is true, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it right? Please vote in the poll! See ya at Ringside!

Rated R-KYO

BREAKING NEWS: TRISH STRATUS RETURNS!! WWE MAIN EVENTER OUT 6-8 MONTHS!!

BREAKING NEWS:

TWO BIG STORIES

TRISH STRATUS RETURNS!!!!

Seven-time WWE Women's Champion Trish Stratus made a surprise appearance on tonight's edition of Raw as the mystery tag team partner of Cena. Stratus and Cena defeated the team of Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix in a mixed tag match in the main event of Raw, which was held in Trish's hometown of Toronto. This was her first appearance in the ring since September 17, 2006 when she defeated Lita to win a record seventh Women's Championship and retire as champion. Credit: Rajah.com

That's right! In a mark out moment for the ages, Trish Stratus made a surprise return to the WWE! For those who don't read the internet, it was surprising for them!

For those, who love sites like these who ruin everything for ya :P It was still a great moment!

Even if it was One Night Only, Trish looked like she never left! We have word that THAT was the reason Mickie James was crying last night. She was so happy to see Trish! And speaking of Trish, we've got an exclusive with HER...tag partner John Cena, after the match.

"I COULD TEAM WITH JESUS AND GANDHI AND THEY'D STILL BOO." - Cena

Cena: Man, it was awesome teaming with Trish! Things like that don't happen very often (Orton: You ain't gonna hit it!) So I'm honored to be teaming with her! (Orton: Ain't gonna hit it!!) The crowd was pumped and so was I! Trish Stratus is a legend (Orton: That you're never gonna get with!) I've teamed with a lot of people in my life (Orton: Not sexually!) Hulk Hogan, HBK, Tony, but teaming with Trish is definitely (Orton: Giving him blue balls to match his blue jeans!) ::Turns to Orton:: You don't see me doin' this?!
Orton: Of course I do...that's what makes it so fun!
Cena: ....
Orton: I'm bored now. I'm gonna go make Mickie cry. ::Walks off::
Cena: Anyway, thanks Trish! And I hope to see ya back in a WWE ring someday! (Orton: HORSES DON'T GO TO HEAVEN! ::Mickie is heard bawling::) I'm gonna go take care of that. ::Walks off:: ...::Comes back and salutes then walks off::

He wouldn't be Randy Orton if he wasn't a jerk. But according to WWE standards, Randy Orton is responsible for our NEXT big story!

"CRUELTY TO ANIMALS ESSA!" - Joker, Next Friday

World Wrestling Entertainment's plans for Wrestlemania were thrown out the window with word that Dave Batista, who was in the running for the Raw side of the Mania main event, has gone down to a torn hamstring.

Batista is expected to miss several months and will be undergoing surgery shortly, according to several sources within the company. The Randy Orton punt kick to the head last week was the storyline reason for Batista's disappearance from the company.

There's no word whether the company will acknowledge the legitimate reason for Batista's absence or will just put the heat on Randy Orton.

Batista's hamstring began giving him problems during the most recent European tour and has worsened since. This would be Batista's third major muscle tear, as he's had previous tears to the lat muscles in his back as and his triceps in 2006.

Word within the company is that as of now, they aren't expecting Batista back until June at the earliest, with a worse case scenario being August, so all Wrestlemania plans involving him are out the window for now. That certainly puts momentum towards Cena defending the World title against Randy Orton at the company's flagship PPV

Credit: Pwinsider.com

You know you never like to see someone get hurt. Even if it's Batista. But I can speak for myself and the staff when I say, we're not cancelling the Christmas party cause of it. But did this injury REALLY happen the way they said it did? Well we caught up with Batista who filled us in on his injury.

Batista: So there I was. I was plowin' this girl, right? Like really givin' it to her. You know? Cause I'm Batista and I'm awesome. So yeah I was really showin her my animal instincts when all of a sudden I feel this pain. And I'm like uh-oh. At first I thought I...you know...early on in the game, but man, I kept goin'! Singin my theme song at the same time! Just goin' in singin "I WALK ALONNNNNNNE!" But when I was finally done, not only was I NOT walkin' alone. I wasn't walkin' period. So rather than see a doctor, I laid in bed, and had her get on-

It goes on for a while. And now our last piece of news, well...all we gotta say is watch Friday Night Smackdown. It's not a very good end to 2008 for the Crab People and their Sailor Moon tiara they call a Divas title!

Anywho, unless something big happens in the world of wrestling, this is our last update for the year! It's been a good 6 months and although we've had our setbacks, but 2009 is going to be a good year for us! We're goin with a newer, more we are goin' hard in 2009. So hard we'll tear our hamstrings. ...Too soon? Until next time, Happy Holidays from all of us here at Ringside Rumors! Hope you get everything you desire! We hope to get more views and comments. Haha

Remember that not everything on the internet is true, but that doesn’t mean you can't enjoy it! See ya at Ringside!

Rated R-KYO

BREAKING NEWS: JEFF HARDY WINS WWE CHAMPIONSHIP!! RINGSIDE RUMORS - 12/14/08

BREAKING NEWS:

JEFF HARDY WINS WWE CHAMPIONSHIP

(Credit to Katiekins of Unique-Divas.com and WWE.com)

That's right! Armageddon was once again Jeff Hardy's night. After countless fuck ups and many close calls, Jeff Hardy has FINALLY won the big one by defeating Triple H and Edge in a great match for the WWE Championship!

LOCKER ROOM SHOCK:

Don't ask why Mickie looks so scared. She just doesn't adapt well to change. Ringside Rumors tried to get an exclusive with Jeff Hardy, but of course he's out celebrating. Hopefully celebrating by sleeping and not doin' anything crazy! But we do have something for ya!

ECW CHAMPION MATT HARDY:

Matt: I am so happy for my brother Jeff! I mean what a way to overcome the odds and become WWE Champion. This has been a good year for the Hardyz. Sure, ECW ratings have been in decline since I've become champ. And The Hardy Show isn't selling as well due to the economy. And Katie Lea and I are not together. And my knee hurts...a lot. But Jeff, I tell ya man. No matter how hard he failed, the fans didn't give up on him. And the WWE didn't either. They didn't shift him to the third brand or anything. I heard Lita got him a nice Christmas Present. ..Didn't get me anything. We only dated for five years. ::Sighs:: You know what? I don't think I wanna do this anymore. I gotta go find Jeff. ...What do you mean he already left??

We still love ya Matt Hardy. In other news, CM Punk allegedly broke Rey Mysterio's nose. Which makes Rated R-KYO very happy. Team Psychosis FTW. Anywho, stay tuned to Ringside Rumors as we'll have another update on this shocking world title change! As well as the best rumors of the week! Including JBL and Joey Styles' altercation!

Until next time, remember that not everything on the internet is true, but that doesn’t mean you can't enjoy it! Especially a moment like this! Someone call Kelly Clarkson! We need her to sing! Ringside Rumors is back! See ya at Ringside!

Rated R-KYO

Ringside Rumors - 11/17/08!

DISCLAIMER: The following rumors and parodies are meant for Entertainment Purposes only. Wrestling rumors are taken from sites such as Wrestlezone.com, Rajah.Com and other credible sources. Credit for actual wrestling news will be given to the fine journalists that report them. We are just here to add a comedic twist to them. The skits and scripts on this site DO NOT REFLECT the actual wrestlers or their opinions. They are simply portrayed as over exaggerations to the characters they play on TV. It is not meant to hurt, harm, or defame anyone's character and is only meant for laughs. In other words, IT'S A JOKE!! Relax!

The Creators of WWE Unleashed Present:

RINGSIDE RUMORS

11/17/08

Hey RR fans! It's that time again! It's time for the Satire Source For Wrestling to give you some juicy, delicious, Ringside Rumors! I am Rated R-KYO and I am here to entertain you! So sit back, relax and lets look at some rumors!

WELL, HERE COMES THE PUSH!

WWE.com has an article up commenting on last night's UFC 91 PPV which aired last night. The article takes quite a few shots at UFC and the MMA business itself, at one point saying the PPV bouts were ending quickly "leaving UFC producers scrambling to fill the three-hour event with content."

WWE went on to say "The dearth of hearty competition left many viewers to watch less prestigious undercard fights and only served to bolster claims that UFC pay-per-view events can often be a "crap shoot" in regards to filling the full three hours."

Credit: Wrestlezone.com

Well congratulations to Mr. Lesnar. I still think he's a jerk, but he's on top of world. UFC Champion. His wife is pregnant. I think the bigger story is not that Brock is UFC champ and Sable is pregnant, but that He-man and Skeletor actually put their differences aside and made a family. You go Master Of The Universe! You go! :)

Well guys, we are definitely in a recession. And WWE is cutting it's roster by $20 million. Which means some of our favs and non-favs are entering....

THE FUTURE ENDEAVOURS CLUB

Featuring: Paul London, Chuck Palumbo, Elijah Burke, Kenny Dykstra and Lena Yada

WHEN YOU'RE SMILIN' THE WHOLE WORLD SMILES WITH YOU

Paul London has been in the dog house with WWE for years and mainly since he smiled on a live shoot during the infamous pre-Vince McMahon limo explosion angle in June of 2007. Everyone on the roster was told to be backstage for that live shot (the limo explosion had been shot the night before) and to have a look of disdain as Vince walked by. London had a big grin on his face and many looked at that as the beginning of the end for him. He also had heat before that when he was told to deliver a heartfelt promo about losing the Cruiserweight title, but turned it into a goofy comedy promo that the company didn't like.

London was often described as having no instincts as a performer and how his character should be doing promos despite many feeling he had tons of ability as a performer. Others stated London was labeled as a complainer backstage, especially when he requested time off on a few occasions which the common rule is you don't ask for unless you are experiencing burnout and labels you as someone you can't fully trust to get behind.

London reportedly asked for the time off as he wasn't sure he wanted to commit his life to pro wrestling. While Vince agreed to give him time off, he came back looking ready to go and then a month later people felt the same issues he had before were returning. Believe it or not, his former relationship with Ashley Massaro scored him some negative points backstage. There were plans within WWE to push London and Brian Kendrick as the next Rock & Roll Express style tag team, but those plans were dropped after London didn't perform well in numerous promos that never ended up airing. One source described London as a headache to work with among creative.

But wait! London's story gets more interesting...

GUESS WHICH ONE'S THE JANNETTY

It sounds like the push that The Brian Kendrick has been getting is due to the way he approached Vince McMahon.

The tag team of Kendrick and Paul London, while they had a lot of good matches on SmackDown, they never got over in the eyes of Vince McMahon, mainly because they weren't too good with promos. When they went to RAW and the whole thing happened with Paul London smiling during Vince's explosion angle, there was some heat for the both of them.

London never came up with an idea to pitch to Vince but Kendrick went to Vince later on, said he was frustrated and did not want to be seen in the same light as London. The feeling was that by Kendrick showing passion to Vince, so he really wanted the push and got it. Almost a year later and Kendrick is repackaged on SmackDown with a nice push and London has been wished the best in his future endeavors.

Who'da thought a smile could land you in so much trouble...so much for The Brian Kendrick feuding with A Paul London. But it's okay. He's now reunited with his love Ashley.

EXCLUSIVE:

London: ::Waiting at a restaurant for Ashley::

Moving on...to introduce our next release, we at RR would like to introduce a brand new feature. It's called...

THE UNDERTAKER PRESENTS:

LESSONS FROM THE LEARNIN' TREE

Taker: Welcome to Lessons From The Learning Tree....I am your Lord Of Darkness The Undertaker....Here are two Lessons For Today....

LESSON #7: NEVER YELL AT MCCOOL....

LESSON #23: THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE BIKER.

Chuck Palumbo's deal with WWE had just expired and many expected he wouldn't be resigned to a new deal since they hadn't used him in months. While Vince McMahon was a fan of his biker gimmick and many enjoyed his brief feud with Jamie Noble, he ended up getting lost in the shuffle after an angle with Finlay. He was often given the label by some in the WWE office that he would never get over. His draft to Raw this past summer was almost the nail in the coffin as he was never used again on a regular basis. There were reports that Rey Mysterio had tried to get Palumbo work in AAA, while others were trying to help him get into CMLL.

Taker: Often imitated....never duplicated....May the gimmick RESSST...INNNNN....PEEEEEEAAACEEEEEE....

Thanks Taker! So the American Not-so-Badass Chuck Palumbo is gonna have to keep on rollin' elsewhere. Funny thing about him is, his theme music insisted that "You will remember him." Will any of YOU remember Chucky P 5 months from now?

"THIS IS NOT THE ELIJAH EXPERIENCE I ENVISIONED"

Interesting story here regarding his release taking place the same time Kenny Dykstra's did. Burke was originally slated to be part of The Spirit Squad, but turned it down feeling it would be a gimmick that would kill his career. Some described Burke has having small attitude issues, but everyone felt he was a great promo guy and had potential to be a big money player someday. He was pushed as the lead heel on ECW in the New Breed angle. However, when the angle lost steam it seemed the company gave up on him and no one involved could really give a solid reason why. At one point he was supposed to be switched from ECW to Raw when Shelton Benjamin made the transition, but Brian Gewirtz didn't want him and he ended up falling off the face of the earth pretty much.

After being taken off TV, having some of his weekly blogs edited, and allegedly being hit by a car, the Black Pope went down to the Pink Slip. But as he stated earlier in the week, it shouldn't be the last of him! I mean c'mon the FEC look out for each other! He could have dinner with Paul London.

::By London::

London: ::Still waiting for Ashley:: ...::The Brian Kendrick danced into the restaurant followed by Ezekiel:: She'll be here.

Sure she will Paul. Sure she will.

GUESS WHICH ONE IS STILL HIRED

Kenny Dykstra was often labeled by many as someone having tons of potential. Jim Ross reportedly first came across Dykstra at a young age at the recommendation of Walter "Killer" Kowalski who trained him. By the time Dykstra graduated high school, John Laurinaitis replaced Ross as head of talent relations and signed him. During his time in OVW, Jim Cornette always compared him to Randy Orton as both were tall, thin and had natural athletic movements. However, his stay in OVW was often labeled as someone who rubbed people the wrong way and was one of the guys who was pranked a lot to send him a message about being too cocky.

Paul Heyman pushed him hard before his call-up to the main roster in The Spirit Squad. While on the main roster, he was reportedly acting goofy at the wrong times and getting noticed for only negative things in what many called a "high school attitude" when his relationship with Mickie James (the two were engaged) broke off. His move to Smackdown didn't help matters as Michael Hayes was never a supporter of his and never saw potential in him. He was given the role of being humiliated on the show as a result. There were discussions of building him back up on the Smackdown roster after he was buried on Raw, but Hayes reportedly didn't want to take the risk feeling he may not be able to handle success. Vince McMahon also remarked once that he had a swimmers body and that was taken as a sign to not push him too hard.

Credit for release information: Wrestling Observer Newsletter

There was also a Kenny Dykstra blog around also but he pulled it. Kenny should bounce back. He's a young kid. That's what the WWE Entertainers think.

EXCLUSIVE:

Orton: Fuck 'em.

Some of them at least....

SAYONARA, KASUMI YADA!

Regarding Lena Yada's release, WWE wanted her to do more work in the ring but the general feeling was that she just wasn't that good. Bryan Alvarez reports that according to one source, as soon as WWE had Gail Kim locked in a deal, Vince and Stephanie McMahon felt there was no reason to have Yada on the roster since they looked too much alike, despite reports that WWE wanted more Asian faces on TV recently, who knows.

Credit: PWInsider Hotline Audio

Holy alleged racism! First Mark Henry! Now Lena Yada? Well anyone who dresses like Kasumi does not deserve that kinda treatment! Ayane? Maybe. But Kasumi? Never! The Queen Of The WWE.Com Photoshoot is gone and now we all have to look at this...

I'm onto you Tiffany....but in all seriousness to the released guys and girl, good luck and hope to see you all again soon! ...Except for you Chuck. No offense, just...not a fan.

THE BEAUTIFUL PALIN??

Part of a press release today:

Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling has announced that it is formally inviting Alaska governor and former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin to become an honorary member of “The Beautiful People,” the elite group of TNA Knockouts led by Angelina Love and Velvet Sky.

TNA officials said a “Sarah Palin Ceremony” is scheduled for December 7 at its “Final Resolution” pay-per-view as part of her “Honorary TNA Knockout” membership in The Beautiful People, and TNA President Dixie Carter will personally fly Gov. Palin and her husband, Todd, from their home in Anchorage to Orlando, Florida, for the December event.

TNA Wrestling will make the formal invitation to Gov. Palin Thursday, November 13, on “TNA iMPACT!” at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Spike.

TNA will present Gov. Palin with a $50,000 check at “Final Resolution” made out to the charity of her choice, or will make the donation to the youth hockey association in her native Wasilla, Alaska.

“Governor Palin has combined her experiences as a wife and mother with her political savvy to prove to America and the world that politics aren’t just a man’s game. I know firsthand what challenges you have to face when breaking a glass ceiling in a male-dominate profession,” Carter said.

Credit: TNAWrestling.com

Palin in the Beautiful People? Since we love Angelina Love and Velvet Sky and they love us, we had to go right to the source. Returning to Ringside Rumors....

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

Velvet: Oh, we're doin' THIS again?
Angelina: REALLY?? SERIOUSLY??
Velvet: Well we are in a recession...
Angelina: Not in Canada! ::Velvet glares:: SOR-RY that we're on top of our game. (Velvet: Screw Canada.) ::Scoffs:: Anyway, the Beautiful People inviting Sarah Palin to join them is an TNA proving that we-::Gets muted out::

::The Hurricane Helms bubble pops up::

Helms: Ya'll see that? Ya'll see the itty bitty one? That's mine! All Hurricane Helms. Look at her. All sexy n' cute. As she pretends to listen to Angelina. ::Velvet was seen digging in her ear:: Eww baby. Don't do that! You're on camera! ::The Beautiful People notice him:: ...I'm just sayin'! ::Disappears::
Angelina: What the-
Velvet: That bubble thing is pretty cool, huh? ...I'm just sayin'! ::Angelina rolls her eyes then walks off::

Moving on...

LOSING HIS HAIR, EYE, SMILE AND CAREER?

In a recent radio interview, future WWE hall of famer Shawn Michaels said that he has already given WWE his targeted date of retirement. Michaels said, "The door (on my career) is closing." Jim Ross has speculated that Wrestlemania 26 could be Michael's final match.

One of the ideas being tossed around is for Mr. Wrestlemania to face The Streak, pitting a potential HBK vs. The Undertaker match. After wrestling, Michaels has talked about his wife opening up a business.

Credit: Rajah.com

HBK vs. The Undertaker at WM?? Aside from my sexy tag partner, there goes ANOTHER reason to go to Texas! At least 'round Wrestlemania time! Taker's streak is always up in question around WM time. Last I heard Triple H wanted to end it. Now HBK might end it? Well of course RR had to get the exclusive!

EXCLUSIVE:

Triple H: C'mon! Let me end it!
HBK: You had a chance and you lost!
Triple H: You beat him 10 years ago!
HBK: Yeah at the cost of my back! Which put me out for four years! And if you do the math ::Brings out a DX calculator and puts in the numbers:: That's 6 years of revenge I could be plotting! Think of the storyline, man!
Triple H: But I'm Triple H! I deserve it! You got to put out Flair!
HBK: Yeah? Well you got to put out Booker T!
Triple H: Oh yeah THAT's the same!
Both: VINCE! WHO gets to end the streak??
Vince: O.O...Uhhh...::Looks down at his drawing of him and Cena holding hands at Wrestlemania with Undertaker on the floor with X's overh is eyes:: It's too early to tell...

::Silence::

::DX continues to argue and then get into a crotch chop fight::

DX is powerful, but I don't think they're more powerful than Michundertaker. The McCool-Taker Regime is just too strong! However, Taker and McCool are not stronger than Ashlondon. ...That's a terrible name. How's Paul doin'?

::By London::

London: ::Sighs::....::Eats some bread then looks at his watch::

You hang in there Paul...

CHRISTIAN HAS AN EDGE??

Edge has been ready to go for a few weeks now but word is WWE may be waiting on Christian to return with him. Creative and edge have been very quiet with his return plans and many feel its to have a big return for Christian to WWE.

Credit: PWInsider Audio

We've seen DX and The Hardyz reunite. Are Edge and Christian next? Or are we in for a reunion of another tag team?

...No? No one wants to see this reunion? Y-yeah me neither...

EVAN ALMIGHTY (I'm sorry....)

Evan Bourne is set to see a specialist today to decide what exactly will be needed for his ankle injury. His injury is said to be out of the ordinary and not diagnosed easily. A friend of Bourne's says he is in good spirits regardless of what happens. Sources in WWE say officials are happy with Bourne and won't lose his push when he is able to make his return because of the injury.

Credit: pwpix

Alright Evan Bourne! Ya gotta love hearing good news about this kid. And for those who need their Bourne fix, the DLC for SVR09 should be coming very soon for you 360/PS3 owners!

ORTON: GIVE ME BACK MY THEME!

GameDaily.com has posted an interview with Randy Orton. Orton talks about WWE's new SmackDown vs. RAW 2009 game, using the Nintendo Wii during physical rehabilitiation, his theme music and more.

Some highlights: How much input do wrestlers have with their theme music? Orton: I wish we could pick our theme music. For the longest time, I had the Burning My Light or whatever the entrance music was that started with "Hey, nothing you can say," and I hated that shit for all four years. I hated it from the first day I heard it. They even tried to tweak it a bit and I still hated it. I told Vince and Kevin Dunn, the producer, that I hated my music, so they said they'd get me something new, but it was four years. Finally, I gave them a CD and said that I wanted this music, so they bought the song and they played it for two weeks until Vince said it didn't fit my character. The following week, CM Punk debuted and they gave him my music. He has the music you wanted? Orton: Yeah! He has the music I picked and the WWE bought for me. Then a little while goes by and I said listen, I've been champ for six months. Throw me a bone. The joke's over. So for two months, I kept hearing that I'd get it next week. Finally, I heard it and I hated it. The second time I listened to it, the song grew on me and now I like it. I liked the Evolution theme too.

Credit: Wrestling Exposed

Looks like Randy Orton doesn't always get what he wants. Does anyone remember that time where Orton came out to "This Fire Burns?" Anywho, this isn't the first time this happened to Orton. We've got exclusive footage of Randy Orton trying out another theme song, but having it taken away from him.

EXCLUSIVE:

2005:

Orton: ::Playing The Time Is Now Instrumental and nodding his head with Stacy Keibler:: Yeahh? You like this? Isn't it awesome?
Vince: Hmmm...
Orton: It TOTALLY fits my face character. You know? All it needs is some lyrics.
Vince: Well...
Cena: ::Walks up:: Hey Vince!
Vince: ::Stands up:: JOHHHHHHHHHHHNNNN!
Stacy: JOHHHHHHHHHHHHNNN!
Cena: Hey Stacy! Randy! What's goin' on man? Lovin' the teal tights!
Orton: Yeah that's not weird.
Cena: ::Starts nodding his head:: Wowww...this song is great! Who's this for?
Orton: M-
Cena: Cause if no one's using it, I just wrote some lyrics for my new theme and I just need a beat. Check it out!
Orton: Actually, it's MY them-
Cena: YOUR TIME IS UP MY TIME IS NOW! YOU CAN'T SEE ME! MY TIME IS NOW! IT'S THE FRANCHISE BOY I'M SHININ' NOW!
Orton: Shut up.
Cena:::Dusts off Stacy's shoulder as she giggles:: YOU CAN'T SEE ME! MY TIME IS NOW!
Orton: ...That's horrible! That's awful! You rhymed "Now" with "Now!" You're not supposed to do that!
Vince: Actually, he rhymed NOUN with Now. His time is noun. Like...you know how nouns are important?
Stacy: O.O I totally get it!
Orton: WHAT?! THAT MAKES LESS SENSE! It's MY THEME! MY THEME! I GOT IT PRODUCED!
Vince: Well Cena, I love the lyrics! It fits you SO much better than Randy Orton!
Orton: I SPENT 20,000 DOLLARS ON A BEAT!
Stacy: A beat for your best friend Cena.
Orton: OH SHUT UP!
Cena: So I can use it?
Orton: NO!
Vince: NO! You can HAVE IT!
Orton: O.O WHAT?!
Cena: Alright! Thanks Vince! This song won't come back to haunt you I promise! And Randy, you're such a nice guy! Thanks buddy!
Orton: O.O
Cena: ::Brushes Orton's shoulder off then walks off::
Vince: You're such a nice guy Randy.
Stacy: Yeah! Good call!
Orton: ::Glares then looks at the reader:: NEVER...AGAIN....

So Orton wasn't always a jerk? Bet ya didn't know that one! I also bet you didn't know it was time for

DEEEEEEVERRRRRR NEWWWWWWWWS!!!!!!

THE HEEL IS HEALED!

(Photo Credit To: Linda of Unique-Divas.com)

Melina returned to the ring from her broken heel at tonight's Florida Championship Wrestling TV taping, teaming with Tyler Reks against Alicia Fox and Jake Gabriel

Credit: PWInsider

It has been a good week for heels! Not the wrestlers, but the actual heel. Evan Bourne's doin' well. Melina's comin' back. Everyone is happy! Well...except for...

::By London::

London: ::Snoring on the restaurant table:: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....

JIM ROSS - WWE DIVA'S PEREZ HILTON

In J.R.'s latest column on WWE.com, Ross made note of tension backstage in the SmackDown Diva locker room. Ross wrote: "Do you know the most cunning and dangerous area of the SmackDown arena before show time? That’s easy; it’s the Diva locker rooms. I’m hearing some interesting stories coming out of those locker rooms and they are not overly flattering. Something big may be brewing in Divaland."

Several weeks ago, Jim Ross wrote in the blog section of his website that the WWE Diva's locker room dealt with its own form of politics and that not all the women got along with each other. Well, in his latest Smackdown This! column, Ross gives us a little more information on the atmosphere of the Diva's locker room by saying: "Did you know that WWE Divas have backstage "Kliques" and that there is a pecking order as to who gets in the make-up chair first and can stay the longest? Things aren’t always what they seem, ladies and gentlemen, amongst the lovely ladies of Friday Night SmackDown."

Credit: Wrestlezone.com

Don't believe this? Well how's this for a little more info?

Maryse has been missing off Smackdown due to having backstage heat with Diva's Champion Michelle McCool. Since their altercatiom, WWE has been pushing Maria into the spotlight.

Credit: Pro Wrestling Torch Audio

No one has seen Maryse in a couple of weeks. I-::Transmission interrupted::

THE UNDERTAKER PRESENTS

LESSONS FROM THE LEARNIN' TREE

Taker: Welcome to Lessons From The Learning Tree....I am your Lord Of Darkness The Undertaker....Here is one more lesson....

LESSON #4: DON'T...FUCK...WITH MICHUNDERTAKER...

Taker: Don't start none....then there won't be none....RESSST...INNNNN....PEEEEEEAAACEEEEEE....

::Transmission returns::

-you take a cream for it and it should be gone in two days. And now...

KELLY KELLY'S MYSPACE MYSPACE MESSAGE MESSAGE!!!

Sponsored by Chaps: Crazy enough for Christy but Kuter On Kelly!

TODAY'S MESSAGE: I DO NOT HAVE A FACEBOOK

hey guys. i've been asked about a facebook page with my name on it. it's not me. i do not have a facebook page. only myspace and its this one.

i am not dating anyone new and i am still dating andrew just to clear those 2 rumors up. thanks for the support. love you all!!!

xoxo kelly kelly

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti...logID=447407496

And there we have it. Test is STILL lucky and Batista is still waiting. But even though I don't like Batista, there's someone out there for everyone. Just ask Paul London!

::At the restaurant::

Guess he went home. So much for Ashlondon. There's gotta be a better name for them.

Anyway, it's that time again! It's the part you've all been waiting for!

HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS WE ENJOYED THIS WEEK:

OVER 1000 views! Thank you guys!!

Smackdown vs. RAW 2009 (Still obsessed)

"Joker" Jeff Hardy

Melina's return!!

Lady Gaga (Fuck you Aguilera)

You fans! We always enjoy you!

Matt Hardy vs. Finlay

Trish Stratus Myspace drama

Evan Bourne (Just because)

The Death Of TRL

EL ELEGIDO!

But of course, you've gotta take the good with the bad...So...

HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS WE DID NOT ENJOY THIS WEEK:

Maryse withdrawl (Come back!)

The rushing of Petey Williams and Scott Steiner

D-Generation Mex (Seriously)

Paul London, Elijah Burke, Kenny and Lena being released (Sorry Chuck.)

The Great Khali (We get that he's face, but Survivor Series match? REALLY?)

The Death Of TRL (It was bittersweet)

Well, that's all for now! I hope you enjoyed this edition of Ringside Rumors! Seriously, a big thank you to all of you who have been visiting the site. This site is plugged on one, or two sites (That we know of) And when this was started, 1,000 views wasn't even a possibility. I know it seems to sound like I'm makin a big deal out of it, but it's just...::Tears up:: You know? Ohh boy! ::Wipes eyes:: Thank you! You're awesome!

Sympathy aside, we love you guys and love when you love us! So please continue to do so with your comments! You can comment here OR you can drop us an e-mail! That's right! RingsideRumors@gmail.com is open and available for you! So, drop us an e-mail! No chain letters, please!

That's all for this week! Remember, not everything on the Internet is true, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it right? See ya at Ringside!

Rated R-KYO

Ringside Rumors - 11/10/08!

DISCLAIMER: The following rumors and parodies are meant for Entertainment Purposes only. Wrestling rumors are taken from sites such as Wrestlezone.com, Rajah.Com and other credible sources. Credit for actual wrestling news will be given to the fine journalists that report them. We are just here to add a comedic twist to them. The skits and scripts on this site DO NOT REFLECT the actual wrestlers or their opinions. They are simply portrayed as over exaggerations to the characters they play on TV. It is not meant to hurt, harm, or defame anyone's character and is only meant for laughs. In other words, IT'S A JOKE!! Relax!

The Creators of WWE Unleashed Present:

RINGSIDE RUMORS

11/10/08

    Oh My God! Someone get Lassie! Little Timmy is trapped by the mill! The ol' rumor mill! ::Comedy drum:: And Little Timmy and you are being greated by the one n' only Rated R-Kyo! And here I am with another edition of Ringside Rumors! So sit back, relax and enjoy the fun!!

CRAZY IN LOVE (WITH WRESTLING)

       Super Crazy informed WWE he was quitting the company at the tapings this past week. This came out of nowhere and he said he was just unhappy with the way WWE was using him and he had been promised many pushes before that never came to anything.

       John Laurinaitis didn't take it that well, telling him that "Do you know how many wrestlers in Mexico want to be here?" Crazy was telling friends that even in his position, he was happy with the money but was unhappy with the job he was doing. Crazy could collect for a few months on a non-compete clause without working, but he's willing to waive that period because he just wants to wrestle to the best of his ability. Crazy is willing to waive that non-compete and sign that he will not go to TNA because that's not his goal either.

       Dot Net has verified reports Super Crazy quit WWE earlier this week because he was frustrated with the way he was being used. In news that has not been reported elsewhere, Crazy met with AAA officials on Wednesday in Mexico.

Credit: Wrestling Observer & prowrestling.net

       Super Crazy, Psychosis, Teddy Hart AND Jack Evans on my Galavision? How could I NOT be excited? All we need is The Juice and the beautiful Lizzy Valentine again and I think I found my second fav promotion!

DON'T GET USED TO THIS

       Batista is fine with the title change, no big deal. They keep him strong by no booking it where he was pinned. Thats why it was a cage match. He also knows that there are plans for WM for him and Cena at the moment.

       Backstage everyone feels Jericho will lose to Cena. Hes basically a transitional champion. Noone is surprised that Cena is set to win the title due to all the superman videos WWE have been airing.

       The plan for now is to rebuild them for WM- Batista vs Cena

Credit: PWInsider Audio

       Well that really sucks for the entertainer formely known as Y2J. I like Cena (I won't revoke my wrestling fan pass. He's a good guy.) But why does Jericho have to be the one? As for Mr. Batista, it seems like his care-free attitude has carried over to other aspects of his life.

EXCLUSIVE:

Kelly Kelly: I thought I already told you I have a boyfriend.
Batista: It's cool. I know I'll get you sooner than later. No worries. What's his name? Teets? Thrust? Tess?
Kelly Kelly: Test.
Batista: You can't date a guy name Test. What about your kids? You really want them to be called "Kelly Kelly Test?"
Kelly Kelly: Martin. Kelly Kelly Martin!
Batista: Whatever. It's cool. You'll come around. ::Flexes::

CENA VS. ORTON - BACKSTAGE

       WWE is strong on Orton and expect him to go into the feud after WM. For now his focus is on forming The Re-Evolution.

       Lockeroom accepts Cena's push and have no problem with it but they are a bit upset with Orton's push due to all his past issues. He is given chance after chance, push after push and every chance known to man. They know it does'nt matter because Vince will push who he likes and who he thinks is important.

Credit: PWInsider Audio

       When is this guy NOT in trouble? But he wouldn't be Randy Orton without the drama right? But he's not that bad is he?

EXCLUSIVE:

Cena: ::In the catering room:: Wow. High card cartering. ::Picks up a shrimp:: Alright! Shrimp!
Orton: ::Walks up and starts eating::
Cena: What are you doing?
Orton: ::Eats:: It's sea-food. I see food. I eat it. ::Keeps eating::
Cena: Not that I make the rules, but this is for the pushed people.
Orton: I am pushed.
Cena: Are you wearing JTG's bling?
Orton: I'm gonna give it back. ::Eats::
Cena; Is that...Mickie James' hair scrunchie?
Orton: Privledges man. ::Eats::
Cena: YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE LONG HAIR!
Orton: I like the way it smells. ::Takes Cena's plate then walks off with it::

CHRISTIAN OUT OF THE CAGE?

       Several sites have been reporting that Christian Cage is "set to stay with TNA", and that "there was no talk of him actually having any intentions on going to WWE and that those rumors were inaccurate".

       I'm hearing the opposite and that it is more than likely that Cage will end up back in WWE for one last run.

       The current economy has not helped anyone with investments and it is very possible that Cage sees one last WWE run as the best way to solidify his family's financial security.

       An additional rumor I'm hearing is that the Turning Point PPV or TV's that follow might be Christian Cage's last appearances for TNA, and that there may even be an angle in play that "says goodbye" to him tonight.

Credit: Wrestlezone

       It's Gail Kim all over again...

GOODBYE MIKE

       The word going around the company is that Mike Adamle is done, at very least for the short term. I am under the impression that he could very well be done for good. At this point, both sides finally came to an agreement that he was just not cut out for the business so he was taken off of TV. A lot of people in the company said that it was fitting that on what was probably his final night, he messed up his lines badly. It was a fitting end to his WWE run.

Credit: PWInsider

       Now, a lot of people have gotten on Mike Adamle and the IWC isn't very too fond of him. But we at Ringside Rumors think that he's just msunderstood. And even though we're all about the rumors, sometimes we like to help out the little guy. So I contacted Mr. Adamle, and asked him to write a letter to you guys expressing his future with the WWE. So here is a Letter From Mike Adamle.

Dear Ringside Rumor fans,

       Most of you by know know who I am. My name is Mike Adamle and I was the General Manager of RAW. Now it has come to my attendon that most of you are not fans of my work. I insure you, what you see is not always what you gett. You may not think this, but I love working for World Whistling Entertainmint. It was fun being an announce-her. It was fun being an on-screen charicature. I put a lot of time into trying to make my charicature work for you. The WWE Uni-force! I am sorry if that was not shown on RAW. I hope to see you all again sometime spoon. For those who supperted me, thank you. For those who didn't, I'm sorry we couldn't be fiends.

Your General Manager,
Mike Adamlay

       .....Holy Ashley Massaro! That was somethin'.

BOOT FOR BOURNE (That's a good thing!)

       On a doctor's visit yesterday Evan Bourne received a little good news when he was told surgery will not be required to repair his torn ankle tendon, as enough of the tendon was still in place.

       The doctor estimates he will be out of action now for approximately 12 weeks.

       As reported earlier he has been outfitted with a big boot for his right ankle to help in the recovery process.

       The injury occured when he was not properly caught, and protected, on a high spot.

Credit: Wrestlezone.com

    Well that is GREAT news. It's always good to hear some good news. And it's even better to hear good news about Evan Bourne. A big shoutout to Bam Neely, for not properly catching Evan Bourne. Nice goin' ASSCLOWN.

::SIGH::


      

       Scott Hall, accompanied by the Insane Clown Posse, briefly sat ringside at last night's Turning Point pay-per-view in Orlando, Florida. They appeared in the front row during the Rhino vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir match. Tenay only referred to them as "familiar faces" and the camera generally avoided them. All attention was turned to Hall as he settled in the front row with ICP, with the crowd chanting "Razor" and throwing up Wolfpac signs while Rhino was making his comeback in the match. Bashir taunted Hall from ringside, as did Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley in the following match. The group left by the time of the Christian Cage vs. Booker T match.

       Following their appearance, Hall and ICP went backstage. Hall was soon asked to leave as he was drunk. Also, Hall did not have company approval to be at ringside during that match, although officials were aware he was in the building before he went to ringside.

       Regarding the story on Hall getting involved in the Nash/Joe match match, he was never scheduled to be a part of the match in any way at any point. He was seen hanging out backstage earlier in the day and some assumed he was going to be involved in the match.

Credit: Wrestling Exposed

       Like Kurt Angle,  Scott Hall is just one of those people you get tired of reporting about. Because it's not funny. It's just sad. And the Insane Clown Posse? My ex-girlfriend was a fan of them. ...When we were both 12.

HOW TO SAVE THE ECONOMY:
DX + VICTORIES = PROFIT

       WWE feels that the fans want to see DX reunite and wanted to see them win. So they felt they needed to win. WWE also sells alot of DX merchandise when they're on and say that them winning sells more merchandise.

Credit: PWInsider Audio

       Take note! THIS is how you help the economoy! You put DX over anything and it should sell more! From now on this site will be known as

D-Generation X Presents:

RINGSIDE RUMORS

    ...Nah.  We actually just DID a joke like this. Our bad...

GOMEZ-DADDY

       Candice Michelle be appearing on television come the new year! Ok so its just one episode on a show but still. The show is called Wizards of Waverly and i think after reading the episode summary Candice just might be playing an evil character who causes havoc. I can see it now! *insert evil laugh here* smile.gif

Here is the show information

Episode Title: Alex does good
U.S Date: January 4, 2009
Guest Stars: Kathryn Foley, Gilland Jones and Candice Michelle and Dylan and Cole Sprouse
Description: A creature called a Tangela makes havoc in the sub station after Alex does a spell. Harper finally asks Justin out. Justin buys new clothes for date. He buys a small shirt when he’s really a medium. It causes problems on the date!!!! Also, there is a bird, named Tyler.

Credit: Candi-Shop

       CANDICE MICHELLE ON THE DISNEY CHANNEL? Maybe this'll be the start of a new Disney vs. WWE show-down at Wrestlemania. Zac Effron vs. John Cena. Corbin Bleu vs. Carlito. The Hardyz vs. those The Suite Life Of Zack and Cody (Not the Edgeheads.) Beth Phoenix plowing through Vanessa Hudgens. And Miley Cyrus is revealed to be the illegitimate McMahon. Miley McMahon! Or Hannah McMahontana....Anywho, we've got exclusive footage of Candice Michelle on the set of Hannah Montannas Of Waverly Place-Life Of Zack & Codizzie McGuire.

EXCLUSIVE:

Candice: ::Standing by the set of Hannah Montanna:: It has been GREAT to be on the Disney Channel. The people are amazing and the kids are awesome. I love this show because it's all about magic. And, it lets me go back to my roots. I can bring back my Magic Wand. ::Holds up her magic wand:: The funny thing was, due to the Smackdown game, people thought this wand really had powers? ::Laughs:: Isn't that silly? ::Swings the wand:: That's ridi-::The Hannah Montanna set explodes:: O.O OH NO! ...OH GOD...OH GOD...::Miley Cyrus' Hannah Wig floats down:: Oh...My God...H'oh crap...::Drops the wand and runs for her life::

       So that's where the Miley Cyrus death rumors started....

WAIT, DIDN'T I SEE THIS BEFORE??

       Since we've gotten a number of emails about this, yes, Gail Kim signed with World Wrestling Entertainment as we reported several months back.

       While there were reports of TNA trying to sign Kim again making the rounds, TNA sources at the time claimed those weren't accurate and that she left the company on good terms. The word within TNA at the time was that it was understood Kim had left the company due to a financial situation and that she had the opportunity to make more money over a shorter time period within WWE.

       Kim, who held the WWE Women's championship during her first run with the company, was backstage at this week's TV tapings.

Credit: PWInsider

    So Gail is finally a member of the roster. TAKE NOTES CHRISTIAN. Cage aside, this should be interesting! Will Gail prevail or will Gail's return prove to be an epic fail? I should narrate. That was awesome!

    Anyway, here's the part you've all been waiting for!

HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS WE ENJOYED THIS WEEK:

Counter, I will marry you. The views keep goin' up!

Evan Bourne (He's gonna be the first one up here for a full month.)

Y2J's championship win (Again.)

Smackdown vs. RAW 2009!!

Blog Van Dam

The Main Event Mafia (Yeah, I said it.)

Coolio's Rules (Best Reality Show Ever)

Shane and Stephanie McMahon on TV

       But of course, you've gotta take the good with the bad...So...

HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS WE DID NOT ENJOY THIS WEEK:

D-Generation X defeating Miz and Morrison (C'mon guys...)

More computer problems

The Undertaker's SDvs.RAW storyline.

Bad weather.

Chris Jericho's music in Smackdown vs. RAW 2009

Maryse Withdrawl

    And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed this Super Crazy edition of Ringside Rumors! You know we love when you love us. So please continue to do so! Comments make us smile. They always will. Even you angry Ashley fans! Please continue to let us know you’re out there! And it doesn't matter if you think we're good, we're bad, we're okay, or we suck. Your opinion is your opinion and we'd love to heard it!

    Also, if you don't want the world to see what you have to say, you can drop an e-mail at the all new: RingsideRumors@gmail.com. Have a comment? Suggestion? Wanna tell me what that new movie Twilight is about? I know it's a series of books...and that's it! Drop us a line! RingsideRumors@Gmail.com

    That's all for this week! Remember, not everything on the Internet is true, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it right? See ya at Ringside!

Rated R-KYO

Ringside Rumors - The Debut Of Blog Van Dam!

DISCLAIMER: The following rumors and parodies are meant for Entertainment Purposes only. Wrestling rumors are taken from sites such as Wrestlezone.com, Rajah.Com and other credible sources. Credit for actual wrestling news will be given to the fine journalists that report them. We are just here to add a comedic twist to them. The skits and scripts on this site DO NOT REFLECT the actual wrestlers or their opinions. They are simply portrayed as over exaggerations to the characters they play on TV. It is not meant to hurt, harm, or defame anyone's character and is only meant for laughs. In other words, IT'S A JOKE!! Relax!

The Creators of WWE Unleashed Present:

A RINGSIDE RUMOR EXCLUSIVE:

The Best (Blog) There Is, The Best (Blog) There Was, The Best (Blog) There Ever Will Be

By Blog Van Dam

11/05/08

            Hello everyone, how are you all doing today? For those of you who don’t know who I am (that’s pretty much everyone) my name is Sean aka Blog Van Dam. I will be joining the totally wonderful and completely fantastic Ringside Rumors website as a regular writer/blogger/unwanted roommate and I couldn?t be more excited.

       Besides bloggin? it up old school, I am basically your stereotypical stay at home dude. I love pro wrestling, movies, music, sports, video games, boobies, Slurpees, Skittles, other candy, boobies, civil rights, soda, action figures, non-action figures, hot wings, mildly hot wings, syrup, karaoke, funny beards, and malls.

       My blog is entitled, "The Best (Blog) There Is, The Best (Blog) There Was, The Best (Blog) There Ever Will Be." Unfortunately for me the name, “The Best (Blog) There Is, The Best (Blog) There Was, The Best (Blog) There” was already taken so I had to one-up the bastard and that’s where the “Ever Will Be” portion comes in.

       On each of my blogs I plan to talk about, explain my views, and sometimes even vent about what is going on in the wide world of professional wrestling. Who knows, maybe I’ll even throw in some stuff about entertainment and sports (I most probably will). My main job here is to entertain you, so whether it’s positive or negative (preferably positive...just kidding, but not really) please always feel free to leave any sort of feedback. Feel free to tell me what you like, what you didn’t like, what you want to see more of, what you never ever want to see again. Feel free if you’re a female over the age of 18 (16  would do) to send any pictures of yourself nakey, which is Spanish for naked. I’m just kidding about the last one, well not really, but no peer pressure here. However, all the cool Hannah Montana fans are doing it. Just joking!

       Anyways, thank you so much in advance for reading my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you enjoy reading my blog and have any suggestions for things I should write about, please feel free to comment on that as well. Thank you so much again and without further ado, here is the very first edition of my brand spankin’ new blog!

LAYIN' THE SMACKDOWN ON THE SMACKDOWN SERIES     

       As we enter the first week of November there is plenty to be excited about. We have a new president elect, congratulations soon-to-be President Obama (Holla!), my beloved New York Jets sit atop the AFC East in a three-way tie for first place (Holla Holla!!), and the newest edition of THQ's annual wrestlefest/wrestling extravaganza/disappointment, WWE SmackDown! vs. Raw finally hits shelves of your favorite video game retailers (and 7-11's) nationwide this coming Sunday (Holla Holla Holla!!!)

OH POOR RANDY...

       For any WWE fan, the day the new SmackDown! game comes out is like an un-official holiday. It's not like Columbus Day or Labor Day where schools and post offices are closed, but its closer to a fun/made-up holiday like Arbor Day, or my Bar Mitzvah, or even the day The Dark Knight opened in theaters. It's not a day respected or followed by everyone, but for the people that celebrate these made up holidays, it's very exciting.

       Ever since it first came out in the year 2000, the SmackDown! series has had its share up hits (Here Comes The Pain? Thumbs Up!) and misses (Just Bring It? Thumbs Down!) and I have enjoyed being there every step of the way.

"FUCK YO' COUCH"

       In its early years on the original Playstation (or what I like to call "The OG") the first two WWF SmackDown! games were released and provided me with hours upon hours of fun. The awesome thing about these new games was the addition of the Season mode. I still remember having my one friend over who still watched wrestling and we played the hell out of the two-player season mode for the better part of an entire weekend.  We took Team Extreme (if you didn't guess, that was our team name (Take that Hardy Boys!) all the way to win the Tag-Team titles.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

 

       A couple years later I took my first step into the wide world of next generation gaming when I purchased Playstation 2 (or what I like to call "The Deuce") and I couldn't be happier. As much as I loved playing my sports games and GTA III, the one game I couldn't wait to play was SmackDown's debut on The Deuce…WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It.

SHORTEST TABLE MATCH EVER

      To say that I was pumped about this game is a complete and utter understatement. I counted the weeks…no..I counted the days…no again…I counted the minutes until this game out and the day this game finally came out I smiled the entire car ride to and from the mall to pick it up and then my smile unfortunately lasted until I actually started to play the game.

Kane: Gee that looks bad…maybe I should get in there...

       I was extremely excited about this game for a few reasons. Some of these reasons include the normal ring entrances, next generation graphics, and of course, story mode. I don't know why, but for some reason when I started to play the game, all sorts of feelings of disappointment kicked in. Was it because it because the game wasn't much different graphically from its predecessors? Or was it because the story mode was pretty lame? No matter what the reason was, I just didn't like the game very much. It also didn't help the fact that I hyped this game up like it was going to change the world. I thought this game was going to help world hunger, make world peace, and fix the struggling economy. I put this game up on pedestal and expected the greatest the Goodfellas of wrestling games, but instead I got The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Pluto Nash wasn't Eddie Murphy's finest moment, and WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It certainly wasn't THQ's finest moment either.

Triple H: GET USED TO IT!

        The next installment for the SmackDown! series was a huge improvement. WWE SmackDown! Shut Your Mouth had a fantastic roster, which included such guys as RVD, Randy Orton, Brock Lesnar, and even "Mr. American Gladiator/Celebrity Championship Wrestling/Nanny" Hulk Hogan. WWE SmackDown! Shut Yo' Mouf also had an interesting season mode. You traveled and ventured through the backstage area in a first-person mode. It kind of seemed like Call of Duty (or Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?) meets SmackDown!

"YOU GUYS EVER HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE BABY AND THE BLIND MAN?"

       No matter how much I enjoyed WWE Smackdown! Please Be Quiet, It wasn't until the following year's Here Comes The Pain where I thought THQ finally made the SmackDown! game I was waiting for. WWE SmackDown! Here Comes The Pain is, at least what I consider to be, the crowned jewel of the SmackDown! series. Here Comes The Pain is not only an amazing game, it is actually one of my favorite games of all-time.

AUSTIN: NUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUM!!

       Here Comes The Pain boasted an impressive roster with over 50 superstars, plus this was the first came to include legends. The game also was the first game to have the Elimination Chamber match, which is fun as hell. The game also had a season mode that may have only lasted a year, but you can keep on playing the season and it would continue where you last left off. This was great for people like me who created a wrestler and took him through a multiple year career in the game. I really thought Here Comes The Pain was about as perfect of a wrestling game as you can get, I only wish THQ kept the momentum with the next few installments.

Brock: THIS ISN'T HOW THEY SAID IT'D GO IN UFC!

       After two solid outings, the SmackDown! series seemed as if it was back on the right path, with WWE SmackDown! vs. Raw (SvR), they had the right idea, but what sounded great on paper, ended up being pretty lame in execution.

SENIOR PORTRAIT

       The first WWE SmackDown vs. Raw had me very excited. I was pumped for the brand new voiceovers, online play, and of course, Bret Hart getting to be a legend. I thought to myself, "This is awesome! We are not having anymore SmackDown! Games with subtitles that were different wrestler's catchphrases (my apologies to Triple H because WWE SmackDown! Time To Play The Game/Bow Down To The King of Kings/We've Got Two Words For Ya…Buy It!/Motorhead Is Awesome!, didn't quite work out) but this is THQ taking the series into a whole new frontier. However, what we got was a little less "new frontier" and little more "Damn, this wasn't what I expected."

GANGSTA TORRIE FIRES GUNSHOTS IN THE AIR

      
       By no means was SvR a bad game; it was just a little disappointing. The online play wasn't very exciting and the highly promoted voiceovers were repetitive and the actual voice acting was terrible. However, Bret Hart being in the game was a saving grace and the season mode was really interesting.

SAVE_US.BRET

       The next two SvR's were pretty solid. They added the new grappling systems, body part specific damages, and a whole slew of new wrestlers.

"WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE??"

       I always get excited for new wrestlers being in the game and SvR 2007 introduced guys like Mr. Kennedy, Finlay, and everyone's favorite indefinite soon to be returning face painted creeper, The Boogeyman.

Morrison: We don't allow worms in the Palace Of Wis-::Gets a mouth full of worms::UGH

       SvR 2008 was the next game in the series and it definitely had its ups and downs. Some of the highlights included Extreme Rules matches which included fighting in the crowd and everyone's favorite element?FIRE! The game also included new ECW wrestlers such as C.M. Punk, The Sandman, and Tommy Dreamer. Where the game lacked solid game play was with the brand spankin' new 24/7 mode. Did I already mention 24/7 mode? I respect THQ for trying something new and I liked how they were trying to compete with the current sports game craze of career mode. However, SvR 2008's 24/7 mode was so repetitive and terrible that it really made you wonder, "Is being an actual WWE superstar really this crappy?"

IMITATION IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF FLATTERY!! FLATTERY...

 

       In 24/7, mode you had to deal with nagging injuries and do work out sessions to raise stamina and endurance points. Also, in order to remain a "fan favorite" you had to decide between doing autograph signings, making movies, and even visiting kids in hospitals (I will admit, the picture of Kane standing in the hospital room wearing his actual wrestling attire is absolutely fantastic!) The idea isn't bad, but the actual execution is not as good or fun as anyone would have liked.

Matt: WHAT?! I CAME TO SEE THE LUCHAGORS! I DIDN’T THROW IT I SWEAR!

       This coming Sunday, November 9th, the new SvR comes out. SvR 2009 looks like it is promising to be the SvR game we have been waiting for. I haven't played the game yet, nor have I seen any reviews but I have a great feeling that this game is going to be spectacular. This game has a larger than life roster with almost everybody that you would want to play with. Then for some of the guys who didn't make the cut (like Evan "I Am Absolutely Incredible At Everything" Bourne and Ted DiBiase), downloadable content will be available.

YOU DOWN WITH DLC? YEAH YOU KNOW ME!

       Tag-team matches are totally revamped and two-player story mode makes its highly anticipated return. The Road To Wrestlemania story mode sounds intriguing and generally fun. Also, the inclusion of Inferno Matches sounds interesting. Lastly, from watching videos, it seems as if the actual in-match game play is looking as fluid and smooth as ever. With all these features and new game play, SvR 2009 definitely seems like this is not going to be a game you want to miss.

Cena: I'm just sayin', Lilian! All Reggaeton sounds the same!

       The SmackDown! series has definitely been one of the greatest (if not the greatest) wrestling game series ever created. Sure there have been some major low points (WWF SmackDown! Just Bring It, story mode voice-overs, 24/7 mode) and some high points (WWE SmackDown! Here Comes The Pain!) but no matter how you look at it, THQ has provided WWE fans with a solid and fun wrestling game every year for the past eight years. What will THQ have in store for WWE fans for future SmackDown! games? Only time will tell and our first opportunity to find out is with WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009. So on November 9th, go out and buy this game and if you have XBOX Live and are looking for new friends, {Cue the sad music that is usually played during dramatic parts of Full House and a couple of tears are shed} because I am, my XBL name is Hello I Am Sean. Thanks for reading the very first edition of The Best (Blog) There Is, The Best (Blog) There Was, The Best (Blog) There Ever Will Be, I look forward to writing again soon and I look forward to playing WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009.

Blog Van Dam
Ringside Rumors

HAPPY HALLOWEEN: Ringside Rumors - 10/31/08!

DISCLAIMER: The following rumors and parodies are meant for Entertainment Purposes only. Wrestling rumors are taken from sites such as Wrestlezone.com, Rajah.Com and other credible sources. Credit for actual wrestling news will be given to the fine journalists that report them. We are just here to add a comedic twist to them. The skits and scripts on this site DO NOT REFLECT the actual wrestlers or their opinions. They are simply portrayed as over exaggerations to the characters they play on TV. It is not meant to hurt, harm, or defame anyone's character and is only meant for laughs. In other words, IT'S A JOKE!! Relax!

The Creators of WWE Unleashed Present:

RINGSIDE RUMORS

10/31/08

    Hey! Happy Halloween everyone! Rated-ARrrr Kyo (I'm a pirate for Halloween) here to give you a very spoooooky edition of Ringside Rumors! Ooooooooooooh! ...No, it's still the same thing. Sorry. And no, I'm not a pirate. ...But I could be if I wanted to! Anywho, lets get to some rumors!!
      

SPOILED GRAPEFRUITS

       Lately with all his bad booking decisions, the lockeroom is starting to lose respect for him. Before they wouldnt say much to each other about it but now they openly talk among themselves that he's crazy and out of touch with the business.

       His main objective at the moment seems to to scream at people and ridicule their performances ( announcers mainly), sit in gorilla position and pick apart the matches and cause creative to rewrite shows hours before showtime.

       He isnt easy to work for, he changes direction on a whim, does rewrites all the time and yells at people. Many feel he needs to step away from the business because he's lost touch with what the fans want and what and who's popular. Creative has tried to tell him but he always turns it down and if challenged ridicules them in public in front of their peers. After seeing many ridiculed, most remain silent now.

       Creative and even the lockeroom feel he should step away from the business and let HHH run the company(even ones that hate HHH and feel hes held them back admit he is passionate about the business and more in touch with what the fans want.)

Credit: PWInsider Audio

       Old crazy Vince is at it again. You know it's bad when they're picking Triple H over Vince. But is it REALLY that crazy?

EXCLUSIVE:

Vince: Wrong! ALL WRONG! You're doing it WRONG!
Taker: What am I doing wrong now...?
Vince: IT'S REST IN PEEEEEEEEEEACE! Not REST IN PEEEEEACE! C'mon! And where's your grey gloves!
Taker: I haven't worn those since 97!
Vince: That's a lie and you know it! Find those gloves!
Taker: We auctioned them off last year!
Vince: FIND THEM AND WEAR THEM! ::Walks off:: Ah, Booker T! Just the guy I was looking for!

::Vince was staring at R-Truth, Shelton Benjamin and MVP::

R-Truth: ...What's up? ::They stare at him::
Vince: Don't forget to do the spin-a-roonie tonight! You stopped doing that! ...Man, I didn't know there were three Booker T's.
MVP: I'm MVP.
Vince: ...RVD?
MVP: MVP.
Vince: RVD! Good to see ya. ::Walks off::
MVP: Mann...RVD-
Shelton: Let it go, man. Last week I was Koko B. Ware.

::Vince walks up to Cole::

Vince: ::Slaps him::
Cole: OW!
Vince: ::Keeps walking::
Cena: ::Walks up to Vince:: Hey Vince I'm almost healed and-::Gets hugged:: o.o...
Vince: You're everything I wish my son and daughter were. ::Walks off::
Cena: o.o...

::Shane and Stephanie were glaring at Cena::

Shane: Oh sure. It's not like we've never done anything. We've only given you grandchildren!
Steph: I didn't see YOU giving birth! My vag looks like a sledgehammer's been through it.
Triple H: CAUSE IT HAS! OH NO HE DIDN'T! ::Nudges Steph with the sledgehammer:: C'monnn! ::Nudge:: That's funny. ::Steph rolls her eyes::

       Poor Steph's cooch...

ALLY UP (MCBEAL 'DAT FOOL!)

       A number of media sources have picked up on the lawsuit filed against John Cena, World Wrestling Entertainment, Sony Music, Stephanie Music (WWE's music publishing company) and several other entities by members of hip hop group The M.O.P. that was first broken last week in the PWInsider.com Elite section during my audio hotline. The lawsuit was filed in the United States District Court of New York earlier this month after communications between the two sides ended in mid-September.

       The M.O.P. are upset that a sample of their song "Ante Up" was used in the "My Time is Now (John Cena Theme)" song on Cena's hip hop CD from a few years back and subsequently by World Wrestling Entertainment for Cena's ring entrance theme, on DVDs, CDs, PPV, and ringtones.

       Two members of the group, Jamal Grinnage and Eric Murray are claiming that they turned down WWE's request to sample the song and then someone working for Next Level Publishing, a company owned by the third member of M.O.P, Daryl Pittman, then gave clearance when the person in question (who identified himself as the President of the company, but was in actuality just an office worker) did not have the rights to do so. The lawsuit was filed after several letters back and forth to different entities involved resulted in an attorney for World Wrestling Entertainment claiming they had indeed correctly licensed the music to be sampled via Next Level.

       Grinnage and Murray, claiming they own 66.6% of the rights to "Ante Up" are requesting damages, that they be ruled the proper owner of the song and that all DVDs, CDs, etc. using the sampled music be recalled and destroyed.

Credit: PWInsider

       Lol. It's called "Stephanie Music."  Anywho, M.O.P. must need money or something cause it's great to bring this up three years after Cena started using the theme.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS

       Evan Bourne is scheduled to undergo an MRI, I believe today. Once he gets the results, he'll have a clear indication of how bad his ankle injury is and how long he'll need to be out of the ring. The fear is he could be out up to four months, which would mean a February return.

Credit: PWInsider

       PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE OKAY! I blame Vince for making him wrestle three times back to back.

Vince's voice: What are you talking about? That was one big taping!

       Crazy bastard...

BODYSUIT STRETCHED OUT TO MAXIMUM CAPACITY
      

       After his two recent WWE appearances on the Cyber Sunday PPV and Raw, it appears likely that Dustin Rhodes (Goldust) will be returning to the WWE roster.

       No contract has been signed at this point, nor is there a start date that can be announced at this time, but we'll keep you updated.

Credit: Wrestlezone.com

       If he's gonna look like how he looked at Cyber Sunday, GOLDUST needs to go on the GOLD plan at the GOLD's gym. Mwahahahahaha! Arrrrr! Pirate Kyo is funny.

ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

       Remember when Jericho had a great character and told the truth? Even though he was a heel, he drawed you in by telling the turth and saying the things that we've all thought ourselves. But lately he's changed...what happened you ask?

       When the ratings for RAW dropped, Vince McMahon blamed it partly on Jericho and said that he felt that he was playing the character wrong and that people wanted a whiny heel that cried all the time about losing etc..

Credit: PWInsider Audio

       I knew somethin' was up with Jericho. They're just takin' everything away from that man. His protege. His pants. His push. What did the entertainer formerly known as Y2J have to say about this?

Jericho: ::Sitting next to Punk:: This sucks.
CM Punk: ::Sighs:: Yeahhh...yeahh...
Mr. Kennedy: ::Sitting next to them:: At least you GOT your push. Everytime I got there, something set me back.
CM Punk: Like your lies?
Mr. Kennedy: Look, just because D.A.R.E. came to YOUR school when you were younger, doesn't make you any better than us.

::Batist walks by with the big Gold belt::

Batista: ::Stares at them::...::Shakes his head then keeps walking::

::Silence::

Jericho: ...I'll get it back right? ::Punk and Kennedy agree with him::
CM Punk: Our day is coming again soon.
Orton: ::Walks by:: No it's not. You're screwed for life.
Kennedy: ...He's right you know.

SOMEBODY CALL LESLIE NEILSON

       No one seems to know where former WWE/WCW wrestler Perry Saturn is. Some of his closest friends actually believe he's not alive, but no one has proof one way or the other. At the funeral of Killer Kowalski, the whereabouts of Perry Saturn was the number one topic of conversation with a number of his friends saying they didn't believe he was alive. I did a missing persons check this morning and found nothing.

Credit: Wrestling Exposed

       In all seriousness, I hope everything is okay with Perry Saturn. And I hope someone finds him soon.

"I DON'T LIKE CHANGEEEE!" - Stewie Griffin

       Dave Meltzer is reporting that the new Ring of Honor is former NWA World Heavyweight champion Adam Pearce. Pearce replaces long time ROH booker Gabe Sapolsky, and is apart of a new direction for the Philadelphia based promotion.

       Ring of Honor Cary Silkin owner is looking to appeal to a new audience, and wants to move to creative direction to a more 1970's style of wrestling. Silkin felt that the current product didn't appeal to enough wrestling fans. The new direction will feature less high spots, more traditional wrestling, more simple heel vs. babyface booking, and less complexity. The DVD sales based business has started to loss money, and ROH will look to start cutting cost to save money.

       The new direction begins on 11/7 in Toronto.

Credit: Gerweck

       The talent are now being encouraged not to kill themselves in the ring. ROH is known for their talents going all out and taking chances(working a strong style) to try to gain attention and get a bigger spot or pay day and perhaps land a contract with a big promotion.

       They are being encouraged to not work such a reckless style that endangers their bodies and takes years off their careers. They cant see killing themselves and in front of 300 fans. There comes a time your body hits that wall...They also feel if they give the audience less then when it comes time for a big event or the payoff for a feud then they can up the action and perhaps create more interest in the product.

       Many past ROH talents bodies are already showing signs of their past Indy and ROH careers. Alot are not near as fast or hard hitting as they were years ago. you can only push your body so long before it begins to rebel.

Credit: PWInsider Audio

       That's a lot of information on ROH. It looks like a lot of change is coming to ROH and to be honest, I dunno how I feel about it. Guess we have to wait and see still...

       And now a little sumphin' sumphin' for the ladieeeeeees! It's...

       DEEEEEEVERR NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOVE OVER PAUL (You too Burchill)

       As reported earlier, WWE is advertising Layla as "Layla London" for future appearances. Reader Alice sent word that Raw is coming to her home state of Pennsylvania for a Raw brand house show in Hershey on December 26, and a match featuring Mickie James & Jamie Noble vs. William Regal and "Layla London" has been announced. It's interesting to note that Layla wore what appears to read "LL" on her kneepads in her match on Monday's Raw.

Credit: Wrestling Exposed

       Angry Layla is now Angry Layla London? Oh, she's just Layla London. I don't see the point, but let's ask Layla how she feels!

EXCLUSIVE:

Layla London: I don't have a problem with it. As long as I can grow as a characte-
Kelly Kelly: Layla Londonnn! It's me! Kelly Kelly! We can be Best Buddies! again!
Layla London: O.O Oh no! NO! NO! NO! Change it! I don't want it anymore! I-....who the bloody hell are you?
Brooke Berkinstocks: Brooke Berkinstocks. ...We were Extreme Expose!
Kelly Kelly: This is Fantastic Fun!
Layla London: ...::Walks away from her:;
Kelly Kelly: Man, she has an Angry Attitude.
Brooke Berkinstocks: You're not gonna run out are you?
Kelly Kelly: Not anytime soon. ::Realizes:: ...Damn it!

    Anyway...

TOMB RAIDER BEATS OUT CRASH BANDICOOT

       At last night's Cyber Sunday pay-per-view, Mickie James won the Divas Halloween costume contest after being voted the winner by the fans. James dressed up as Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider video game series. James won the contest last year as well, dressing up as a Native American, so she's won two years in a row. And quite like last year, Mickie James is currently on the back burner in the storylines in favor of other heavily pushed WWE Divas. Since losing the WWE Women's Championship at SummerSlam, which coincided with the return of Candice Michelle, James has done little of note and is frequently left off of Raw. Considering that James' costume wasn't nearly as revealing or sexy as several of the other Divas such as Candice Michelle, Kelly Kelly, Maria, or Michelle McCool, and that she's won it two years in a row, this should be a good indication that James is the most popular female on the WWE roster. As if that isn't enough, James won despite being the last Diva of sixteen Divas to display her costume, and she only had approximately 30 minutes to sway viewers as the Undertaker vs. Big Show match was sandwiched in between the two segments. Some of the other Divas such as Candice Michelle and Michelle McCool were shown early during the broadcast and had a huge head start on her as a result. Despite their huge head start - and huge pushes on television - they still could not defeat the often-left-off-of-Raw Mickie James.

Credit: Wrestling Exposed

       You tell 'em Mickie! McForehead and Candice can't hold you down! Ashley would've probably given you competition, but she didn't show up.  Melina would've given her a run for her money also. She was going to be Crash Bandicoot.

    Speaking of Melina, According to internet reports, Mickie James is currently helping Melina get back in wrestling shape! Is there anything she can't do? Well, we asked her! Here's what she said!

EXCLUSIVE:

Mickie: I can't touch my nose with my tongue. That's something I can't do. Maria can. But she's got this freakishly long tongue. She's like part-lizard or something. It's od-
Melina: ::Gets in the shot:: Yeahhh! Best costume '08 suckaaaaaaaa!
Mickie: What are you talkin' about? You didn't win! You weren't there!
Melina: Yeah, but I came up with the Tomb Raider idea, so technically I won.
Mickie: No you didn't. You called me "Fridge Raiders Of The Lost Arch Deluxe." And I was like "You're an ass!" And then I was like that's a good idea! And you were like "Oh, so you FINALLY admit you're fat?" And I told you to shut up and gave you a Mick Kick. Then YOU fell. And I said Tomb Raider would be a good idea. And you gave me some type of grunt.
Melina: ...Yeah. I know. If I didn't grunt, you would've never done it. So I approved it and gave  you the self-confidence, so you do it and win. Look, it was either I helped  you or you went back to eating your feelings.
Mickie: ::Sighs:: WHY am I training you?
Melina: What? This isn't fun for you? ::Mickie walks away:: ...::Looks at the camera:: WOOO! BEST COSTUME! ::Throws the horns:

REACHING FOR THAT BRASS RING

       Candice Michelle is well aware of her negative critics since her return and has decided to use it as way to motivate herself into getting better. She is said to be an extremely hard worker with a great worth ethic.

Credit: Wrestlinginc.com

       Good for you slugger! as long as you're trying, kiddo. Give 'em the ol' one-two, champ! Now lets go to Denny's. There's a breakfast combo with your name on it.

HOLLA FOR A HAMBURGER (And a date)

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http://www.cowheadshow.com/kelly_kelly.html

       Who WOULDN'T want to win a date with WWE Diva Kelly Kelly? All you need to do to enter is send us a headshot of yourself and a short note saying why you would be a good match for her. We'll pick the top entries and bring them in for our version of the Dating Game.

Remember to attach your picture and don't forget to include your name, age and phone number and click here to send the entry to us.

Good luck!

    I'd enter if I was in Florida. Who wouldn't wanna date me? Kelly Kelly can't resist my charmy charmy. But isn't she dating Test...?

Anyway, here's the part you've all been waiting for!

HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS WE ENJOYED THIS WEEK:

God bless that counter and you fans!

Evan Bourne (This kid is amazing!)

The Miz and John Morrison (Please win)

Eve BEING a Ninja Turtle.

Random episodes of the X-Men cartoon that served NO purpose being on TV. Jubilee storytelling? WTF is that about?

MORE NEW EMINEM MUSIC!!

Victoria! Is bananas! B! Na-na-na-nanas!

Smackdown vs. RAW 2009!! (We don't have it, but we're excited)

BoA - Eat You Up

       But of course, you've gotta take the good with the bad...So...

HERE’S A LIST OF THINGS WE DID NOT ENJOY THIS WEEK:

BATISTA

More computer problems

BATISTA

The fall of Chris Jericho

BATISTA

Evan Bourne's injury

BATISTA

Candice Michelle's costume (Seriously.)

BATISTA.

Bad weather.

DAVE BATISTA.

    As you can tell, we LOVE Batista. Anyway, I guess that's all! But before I go, I need to get something off my chest. Instead of "STOP FUCKIN' UP" this week, I'd like to do something a little different. And it's to our good friends at THQ.

Dear THQ,

    I have been playing the Smackdown videogames since the very first one back in 99. Now, I know you guys are "hard workers" and "listen to your fans" but recently, you've had more downs than ups when it's come to this franchise. For example, Smackdown vs. RAW 2008. That awkward Candice Michelle wand storyline. Your Legends fetish. BATISTA. But we've forgiven you. I've forgiven you.

    Smackdown vs. RAW 2009 comes out this week. And as usualit's probably gonna cause me to alienate my friends, put all my work aside and do nothing but play your game. Unless it's exactly like 08! The staff and I have high hopes for this game. We put a lot of faith in you, when we really shouldn't, due to your amazing ability to promise one thing and deliver another. So even though the game is already done, and it's probably shipping as I type, my expecations would like me to deliver this message to you: DON'T FUCK THIS UP.

    You've got a lot of cool promises. A whole new tag mode. A great roster. Downloadable content. New career mode (Batista and Rey? REALLY? It couldn't have been The Hardyz?) There are a lot of good promises. And a lot of good can come from this, so DON'T FUCK THIS UP. Of course the game is already done, so if you DID FUCK THIS UP, I'll find out and next week you'll get a STOP FUCKIN' UP letter, but please THQ. DON'T. FUCK. THIS. UP.

Sincerely,
Ringside Rumors

P.S.: Batista and Rey Mysterio....after all those Hardy Boyz trailers? ...WHY?

    Alrighty-then! I hope you enjoyed this groin-grabbingly good edition of Ringside Rumors! You know we love when you love us. So please continue to do so! Comments make us smile. We're like a couple of myspace whores. Only cooler. Please continue to let us know you’re out there! And it doesn't matter if you think we're good, we're bad, we're okay, or we absolutely suck, your opinion is your opinion and we'd love to heard it!

That's all for this week! Remember, not everything on the Internet is true, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it right? See ya at Ringside!

Rated R-KYO